A Midnight Thought

So here it is after midnight & I'm up thinking about my life and my family. Some of you maybe thinking I'm out of my mind for being wide awake at this hour but this is really normal time for those of us who work graveyard shifts.

I had such a wonder weekend with my family. We traveled over to Seattle to watch a Mariners/Angels game with my mom, my sister, my sister's boyfriend and my wonderful little niece. We didn't spend much time visiting because we needed to get back home to Idaho for school and work but while there I realized just how much respect and honor I have for my mom. I learned that she was told by the owner's of her place that they had 90 days to move out because the land was sold for commercial property. My mom lives in a 60+ units duplexes that were once old military homes. But when I walked into my mom's place it looked simply amazing. A couple of my uncle's help her paint the place and she had found some really nice curtains and walls pieces. Rob & I had helped her last summer get new light fixtures. I mean the place really looked nice and I could tell that my mom was really proud of the home she had made it. It hit me as I looked around that my mom has never owned a home in which she could do all that I was observing. I sadden me to think that money and/or the property owner's desire for money was going to force my mom out of this beautiful home that she had just created. But my mom doesn't complain, unlike I would for sure. She just simply takes it like a champ and says, "I found a new place down the road." No complaint but I know that I would be pissed and I know that I would want to express that disappointment. She takes the bumps so well and with such grace. I can see that she has become the "rock" of our family that was left to her when my grandma died. If fact, she is reacting just as my grandma would have...the same grace. I have always thought of my grandma with such honor and respect because of the way she lived her live. But it took me losing her to fully see just how graceful my grandma lived. This weekend I learned that my mom lives with that same honor, respect and grace. I'm thankful to have seen it before she too was gone from this life.

Thus, it hits me hard just how wonderful my life really is and just how ungraceful, unhonorable and unrespectful I live sometimes. I live in a beautiful home and have a wonderful husband to walk through tough times with me. I realize that I complain...alot...over things that our entirely out of my control. I have realized that despite the successes and accomplishments I have experienced in my life I have fallen short of the honor, respect and grace that the women before me took hold of.

Tomorrow is payday and I always stress about paydays and bills. I can't seem to find the reason why I stress so much but tonight I remind myself of just how "much" I have and just how "blessed" I am. The Lord has provided so much for me over the years and ever since getting married and having the realization that people are relying on me to provide I have stressed and stressed and stressed. The women before me had less and they gave no complaint. Man, what I fool I have been. The Lord has provided in the past, continues to provide in the present and I have to believe that He will continue to provide in the future. He has given me such great examples to learn from and now is the time I need to exercise what I've learned.

I love the quiet humbling times when there is nothing louder than the Lord's whispers.